From wtasker@banet Tue Feb 22 01:36:11 2000 Date: Tue, 4 Jan 2000 21:22:25 -0500 From: wtasker@banet Subject: Karin (krystalia) Rachelle told me about this site and asked me to send you what I wrote for Karin the night I found out she passed away. Anyway, do with them what you like. Those of us with whom she hung online with before she moved on to other irc channels might someday pass this way and find the words from one loved her. Thank you for this site. Those of us who miss her greatly will thank you for a long time. Krystalia How much is it worth when a man in his late 30's rediscovers his inner child? Nearing the breakdown of all that was my life before then, Karin helped me re-discover laughter and yes, the art of giggling. It seems a lifetime ago when I first found Krystalia in a flirt nook. How long ago was that? February 93? 94? It's beyond reckoning. I don't really remember the evolution of events, but after awhile, Karin, Nottie and I would sign on and find each other and the IM's would start, "where to?" Then came Tracy and Roo and Witoutanet and others I'm sure I'm forgetting. Others joined us as our little niche grew and grew until it finally fell under the weight of life on IRC. Those nights were so much fun and I discovered the absurdity of laughing full-throated, soul-cleansing cascades at my computer screen. Those were the days of 2400 modems, but it didn't seem to matter then. The nights were parties of fun and intrigue for hours on end. They were also the days of $300 AOL bills! Somehow, beyond memory's edge, Karin and I grew close, so close that she was the bestest friend since my childhood. Somehow, she came to know my soul and I knew hers. The friendship was pure, and we shared mischief and pranks and 2 hour phone calls. We never muddied up the friendship by making it more than it was, but the friendship was life changing anyway. I'd call her a couple of times a day at work (much to Rachelle's chagrin) and then at night and I wouldn't trade those times of laughter and tears for anything. We would laugh at the silliest things and cry at the deepest of things. Karin was a waif, a child in a mid-20's body and those qualities attracted us to her as friends just as strongly as they frustrated those she was responsible too but loved her anyway. I was probably pretty stodgy when I first met her though my former tenets and life patterns were crumbling. She found a way inside me to the little kid that we all bury somewhere along the line. She re-kindled in me the unbridled laugh and that's a gift second only to true love. What a paradox she was! She was a free spirit with a big heart. She was selfish, yet giving. She thought deeply yet lived on the edge. She was brilliant yet, naive. She was an innocent and yet a child of the earth. She did everything to the extreme yet took the time to write long letters. She was a woman who loved baseball passionately! Meeting her in person was the greatest and yet hardest time for us. To see the mischief in her eyes, to watch her enjoy herself with abandon and yet worry deeply for those she loved so much. To this day, I don't know why our bond grew as it did. I was responsible. She fought responsibilities. I was cautious; she was certainly not. But, it's stupid to over-analyze it. For two years, she was there whenever I needed her, and I was there for her just as much. It worked and it was a blessing. She gave a person overly burdened with life a chance to laugh and be a kid again. That was a gift and I shall cherish the gift always. As sentimental as I am, I will keep the red, white and blue converse sneakers I bought in South Beach because I thought they were so cool on her. I will keep the scorecard of the Marlins game we went to together when I taught her how to keep score. My mind will remember the blue pickup with Melissa Etheredge blaring and her over-the-top bleached hair. I will continue to go to the Baja whenever I'm in S. Florida. I will keep the wavs I made for her that put her in hysterics. I will keep the jpegs that show her as I knew her. I will keep the little porcelain angel she gave me for christmas. My daughter will keep the singing stuffed Rudolph Karin sent her. And I will keep all the smiles in my soul that she gave me. And I will keep her on my buddy list. She was the first person I called when my daughter was born. She is responsible for the soul-friend I have in Rachelle that I'll never stop thanking her for. She is responsible for the little kid that came out in me and will not be buried again and my starynite reaps a lot of those benefits and will for a long time to come. The world lost her today, just a little after her 29th birthday. I share these thoughts with you because you are the only ones that have a chance at understanding the grief and yet the loving memories I feel today. Celebrate her life for me today and think kindly of Steve, Rachelle and her family who lost a part of her family. her friend and yours, William (Will2dream Wil2dream )